“[Magic is] the theatrical linking of a cause with an effect that has no basis in physical reality, but that — in our hearts — ought to.”
“When she was 18, her parents had bought her a Jaguar for graduation. She didn't want a car. They told her: 'OK, you can trade it in for new breasts.'”
“Also! This Wednesday is DNA Conception Day: it will have been exactly 21 years and 9 months since DNA Lounge first opened on November 22, 1985. That means that Wednesday will be the first day on which someone can legally *attend* DNA Lounge who was *conceived* in DNA Lounge.
If you can prove that that is you, you get in free. No, I don't know how you'd prove that. Maybe bring your mom and have her tell a convincing story.”
“Well, the ratio of albino to regular squirrels on flickr is only 238:1, which, if my math is right, means you're 84x more likely to take a photo of a squirrel if it's white.”
“Defenseless rodents + super glue + camera = lulz”
“This is not the life I was meant to live. I dont know what that life is, what it looks like, but I know its not this.”