“I don't think I've ever had that much fun both drunk and in front of a computer.”

“I would love to know what sick bastard at Kellogs came up with this genius idea [for Lego block-shaped gummy snacks]. I just spent the first three years of my sons life trying to get him not to eat blocks, and now you're telling him they taste like fucking strawberries. Thanks a lot assholes. Seriously, how in the hell did this ever get past their legal department. You can't tell me that this isn't a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I can only assume that their next product is fruit flavored thumbtacks.” — Gabe

“When I was in college, we used to take a popcorn popper, because that was the only thing they would let us use in the dorm, and we would fry squirrels in a popcorn popper in the dorm room.” — Mike Huckabee

“Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations, to enlighten us, make us better--teach us--and in fact, did, Rachael uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her hypnotic mantra of Yummo and Evoo and Sammys. 'You're doing just fine. You don't even have to chop an onion--you can buy it already chopped. Aspire to nothing... Just sit there. Have another Triscuit... Sleep... sleep....'” — Anthony Bourdain

“Slightly sweet and purple in color, the potatoes, named Purple Orchid Three, are bred from seeds that mutated while being carried aboard a Chinese spacecraft, the Shanghai Daily newspaper reported Monday.” — Associated Press

“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” — Michael Pollan